How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
