So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize