So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
