do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
