Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
