i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
