u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
