where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
