if you like me you must not know who I am
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
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