why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
