I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
