I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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