Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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