I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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