Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
