i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
