i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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