Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
