hotel room ftw
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
