Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
