You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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