Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
