If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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