You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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