Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
