the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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