I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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