I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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