As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
