You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
