if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
