Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
