so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
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I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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