i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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