first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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