Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
