he wants to bone in the snuggie
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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