I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
