Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
