Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
