He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
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dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
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I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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