I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize