who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
