I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
