Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
