I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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