i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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