Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
