when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
