I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
