your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
