the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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