All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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