You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize