Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He has the fingertips of a God
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
