New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
