Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
