Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
