Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
