There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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