currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
