So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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