i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
