id be glad to
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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