HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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